Happy New Year!!
It's 2018. Woot.
I can assure you that if you've posted on social media, "Happy New Year" or the like, I've sneered and scrolled on past. Happy. What's that? New Year. So what?
But I do care. Life does matter. And there must be a reason that I'm called to continue on for so very long without the love of my life.
We had such plans! Starting that Thursday that he didn't come home, we were going to be spending more time together and less time apart. We had lists of things we were planning to do. But plans are just that...
Now, all the firsts have happened... twice... 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmas's, 2 New years. Really? 2 New years? 2017 and 2018. Damn...
And I am lost. I see glimpses of who I might be, based on past experience. But I am lost; like half of me has been cut the fuck out leaving a gaping, bleeding hole where my heart used to be.... but no. If my heart were not there anymore, I would not hurt like I do.
I feel like I'm supposed to be better by now... I wonder how he would be at this point if our positions were switched... and he were here without me.
But he's not. And I am. And this sucks beyond all sucking. I know that eventually I'll figure it out. But for now..... happy frickin' new year whatever the hell that means....
I can assure you that if you've posted on social media, "Happy New Year" or the like, I've sneered and scrolled on past. Happy. What's that? New Year. So what?
But I do care. Life does matter. And there must be a reason that I'm called to continue on for so very long without the love of my life.
We had such plans! Starting that Thursday that he didn't come home, we were going to be spending more time together and less time apart. We had lists of things we were planning to do. But plans are just that...
Now, all the firsts have happened... twice... 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmas's, 2 New years. Really? 2 New years? 2017 and 2018. Damn...
And I am lost. I see glimpses of who I might be, based on past experience. But I am lost; like half of me has been cut the fuck out leaving a gaping, bleeding hole where my heart used to be.... but no. If my heart were not there anymore, I would not hurt like I do.
I feel like I'm supposed to be better by now... I wonder how he would be at this point if our positions were switched... and he were here without me.
But he's not. And I am. And this sucks beyond all sucking. I know that eventually I'll figure it out. But for now..... happy frickin' new year whatever the hell that means....
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